Mental & Emotional Wellness

To Love Does Not Mean To Endure Abuse

Recently I’ve seen variations of the following image making its rounds on social media:

download

It has taken the form of different memes with different wording but the general message is the same…The ride-or-die woman who endures the abuse of her spouse will be rewarded with love and marriage and the woman who leaves does not deserve such.

And of course most of the posts I saw were made by men ????

Can we talk about this for a second…

Let me preface this by saying: I’m not up on whatever is current in the celebrity world.  I rarely watch TV and couldn’t tell you who most people are by name when I do see images of them.  I just don’t care enough.  That being said…I don’t know the details of the relationship between these individuals.  Truth be told, I only REALLY know one of their names but wouldn’t have been able to identify him if the caption of the photo didn’t do it for me.  I’m not speaking negatively on their relationship.  I’m simply addressing the narrative presented in this image.

The narrative I’m speaking of is the ‘ride-or-die’ narrative.  A narrative typically aimed at women which encourages and praises them for sticking by their partner’s side through everything without wavering.  This often means being cheated on, lied to, manipulated, humiliated, and disrespected but still holding this person down.  It is a narrative presented in many songs, shows, movies, etc and it is often aimed at women of color.

And quite frankly I’m tired of it!

Cheating, lying, manipulating, humiliating, and disrespecting someone while expecting them not to speak up and to remain by your side is abuse!

Telling someone they do not deserve marriage or love because they refuse to endure such behavior is abuse!

Calling someone a bitch because they decide to leave an unhealthy relationship is abuse!

We have to end the narrative that enduring abuse means love! We have to stop telling women, especially women of color, that this is what love should look and feel like!

We have to stop telling men if a woman is unwilling to endure their abuse then she isn’t worthy of love and marriage!  We have to stop telling men that abuse is okay or normal!

This is an unhealthy narrative that is detrimental to the mental and emotional well-being of both parties.  The narrative that men can abuse and mistreat women but still deserve to be loved by these women or the narrative that men don’t have to work on themselves and have a right to destroy their partners while they are still figuring themselves out only perpetuates an extremely low standard we have of men and encourages them to remain stuck.  The same narratives perpetuate a ridiculously unhealthy standard we have of women to endure abuse and be strong.

We all have demons and it seems this man had quite a few but you are not required to endure mental, emotional, physical, or any other form of abuse because your partner is living with and not facing their demons.  I’m not saying there won’t be bumps in the road.  Relationships aren’t always pleasant but there is a huge difference between healthy disagreements and abuse!  Healthy fights are natural and normal but ABUSE IS NEVER OKAY!


If you or someone you know is in a cycle of abuse with a partner, please seek help.  Your mental and emotional well-being is important.

ndvh_button

In Perfect Love,

signature (2)

3 thoughts on “To Love Does Not Mean To Endure Abuse”

  1. OMG I seriously was just having this conversation and read another blog post fairly recently about this same assessment relating to Beyonce. It’s not ok for women (or anyone for that matter) to have to stay with someone who is emotionally, psychologically and/or physically abusive to them! It’s ridiculous that this is some kind of badge of honor. Now I’m not one to tell people how to live their lives so if you want to stay and work through the hard stuff, I think that’s ok. But I don’t think it’s appropriate to expect that all womyn should just accept sub-par treatment. It’s whack and unfair. And yet, masculinity is so fragile that they can’t even take their girl having a close work friend. Ugh… Thank you for writing this!

    1. I love this comment! I completely agree with you…we don’t control how people decide to live their lives and if they make choices that we deem inappropriate or unsafe, it isn’t for us to judge. At the same time however, this is a ridiculous thing to expect of anyone. And masculinity is SOOOO fragile!!! Haha Thank you so much for reading.

Leave a Reply