I feel like it has been a long time since I wrote anything and especially anything on this particular subject. For whatever reason, writing has just been a real challenge lately. I have a few sitting in drafts that I need to get around to, including a blog on my recent work in Haiti but my brain isn’t there yet.
Anyways, I’m writing now because I feel like an update is in order!
Since the last update, so much has taken place. I have had periods more regularly. I think I only missed one in the first half of this year! That’s a huge accomplishment considering there have been years where I only had one. I almost passed out a work twice and home several times due to hormonal fluctuations and some really rough menstrual cycles. Imagine having to call your mom to come watch you or even to pick you up from work because your vision is blurry, you’re too weak to move and you keep feeling like you’ll go down at any moment…so embarrassing!
Do I know what was causing such havoc? My best guess is stress. I was working overtime frequently to keep up, had a supervisor who was overbearing and lacked self-awareness and had an ever-increasing caseload. All of that, on top of my already wrecked hormones, had me SICK mentally, emotionally and physically. I never wanted to go to work, Had terrible sleep hygiene, had pretty much stopped socializing with my coworkers and often felt unmotivated and sad.
I had been talking to my therapist about leaving my job. We were considering temporary stress leave and then my supervisor dropped the bomb that my caseload was increasing again because someone else dropped the ball. I lost it and about a week later I was putting in my two-week notice and packing up my office.
“Where are you going? What are you going to do?”
Those were the questions of all my friends, co-workers and the management team. Truth was, I didn’t really have a plan. I hadn’t completely thought this all the way through. All I knew was that I didn’t want to continue to be sick and my healing was being severely stunted in that environment. I also didn’t want to start looking for another job immediately. I wanted to take some time off, take care of myself, work on doing more of the work I really enjoyed and study for my licensing exam. Then, MAYBE, I would go back to a fulltime job!
In my dreams, I was going to teach yoga parttime and take on a few more private practice clients while working on building Manifesting M.E. Wellness. The day I dreamt this up, I had woken up a hormonal wreck and was trying with all my might to convince myself to go to work. Between the tears and feelings of self-defeat…all, I came up with was ‘I’m quitting, I’ll just teach yoga and run my business’. So, naturally I didn’t think that was completely a realistic idea but everyone I shared this idea with was supportive and thought it sounded great.
EVEN MY OWN MOTHER…
So I ran with it.
Now, as a woman, I truly believe that our moon cycles are a very intuitive time. It is a time for introspection and self-evaluation. Our bodies and spirits know what we need and can often speak to us during this time. We just have to be open to listening. Maybe all those ‘crazy’ thoughts we have during our cycles aren’t so crazy after all, but simply our intuition screaming at us to take better care of ourselves.
I left my job mid-April. May 2018 was my first full month off and if nothing else, I can say this for sure…in the last two months I have not felt like passing out and I’ve been sleeping just fine.
Let’s be real…I’m not proud that it took me almost passing out, being chronically unmotivated and insanely sleep deprived to listen to my body but I’m glad I was finally in a place where I was willing to listen.
I’m still working on healing and won’t pretend the job was at the root of the problem by any means but now I feel the true journey has begun. Stay tuned…
In Perfect Love,
P.S. Have you checked out my new Facebook group? Actualize Your Healing is a space created to support you on your journey towards Mental and Emotional wellness by building your knowledge holistic healing techniques. Join us today!