My Other Musings

My Manners Are Not an Invitation to Your Harassment! Part 2

In my last post I told y’all a story about a random man who was hitting on me while I was trying to give him directions to a job fair.  Well, after the incident occurred I posted about my experience on Facebook and now I’m back again to share a little follow up to that story.  Because naturally folks (let’s be honest…men) tried to come for me.  Yes…ME!

So here is my post…

To which several women responded with emphatic words and encouragement.  But the men who commented made statements that were inconsiderate, lacked empathy and were annoying, at best, down right disrespectful, at worst.  One responded with a simply “lol…aww”.

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I immediately text my sister to blow off a bit of steam.  I was literally just getting home from dealing with this situation.  I was tired and I did not feel like going off on somebody for his belittling comment and lack of real acknowledgement of the risk and my feelings!  We did our usual “we should tell him about himself…want me to get em?…ugh people are stupid” rant after which I decided it wasn’t worth our time and energy so I went about working on some business and then headed off to bed.

The next morning I woke up to this nonsense…

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Bruh!!! why won’t these fools just let me live?!?!

Sad part is this is someone I used to have a thing for.  Trust and believe that was over long ago…and for SOOO many other valid reasons!  But still ughhh…

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This time I didn’t hold my tongue and a debate ensued.  I explained that there’s a difference between shooting your shot and not taking no for an answer then told him he was a problem if he thought this behavior was okay.  He made statements about how I’m the problem for thinking this man only hit on me because I was being nice after which he said “maybe!” to this man’s behaviors being overboard.  He also hit me with…

But I guess i could complain about the same issue about being a male and say “I hate when… I just say “hello” to a woman in passing and she responds with I have a man like I was trying to holler at her. Like nah sweetheart I was just saying hello.

YUP….he tried it!

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Psychological Analysis: I processed this situation with a dear friend of mine.  She and I determined that not only is this man completely blind in his misogyny but he also is SO salty about the lack of attention he gets that he feels the need to ‘tell me about myself’.  You know…project his ‘stuff’ (for the newbies…that’s my word for people’s baggage, trauma, judgments and other unresolved issues) in a public forum for attention…per the usual because #masculinitysofragile.  Of course this was particularly triggering to me given that this was a man I spent a significant amount of time and energy on and had feelings for at some point.

But the real issue remains: Why is this even a conversation that needs to be had?  As if dealing with the guy at my job wasn’t enough, I also have to deal with the fact that a guy who I’ve allowed into my personal space would tell me my thoughts about the situation are the problem and had the nerve to debate with me about it!  Bruh…are you serious?!

I would also like to point out that my last comment to him, which broke down how the man was being extra, why I’m not wrong for my feelings, and in so many words said that I’m not just out here angry at and denying all men (because we all know that’s what he was really tryna say) was met with a simple LIKE…no words, no apology, no empathy…just a like.

What is so hard about meeting a woman with empathy?  Why not just believe me and instead bash the man who was clearly in the wrong?  What do you really get out of perpetuating this nonsense?  How are we as women supposed to feel safe around you if this is your response to our experiences?  How far does it have to go before I will get real empathy from men? I digress.

Dear Men,
My manners are not an invitation to your harassment and if you don’t see that then you are a HUGE part of the problem!  Should a woman share such an experience with you, the appropriate response is empathy (“I’m sorry you had to experience that” “He is a disgrace to men” “Are you okay?”) rather than telling a story you find comparable about something you dislike regarding women.  YOU FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAY ABOUT ME OR ABOUT WOMEN DOES NOT NEGATE MY EXPERIENCE!

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In Perfect Love,

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4 thoughts on “My Manners Are Not an Invitation to Your Harassment! Part 2”

  1. On point! #masculinitysofragile is alive and kicking in almost every corner of the world. The invalidation of women, femmes and womyn is really ridiculous and perpetuated/reinforced by SO many people. No one is owed any more of your time than what you originally chose to give and the fact that dude persisted in hopes to sway you AND that other dude took the opportunity to let his ego shine bright like a diamond is annoying af. Some people just don’t get it.

    1. “No one is owed any more of your time than what you originally chose to give and the fact that dude persisted in hopes to sway you AND that other dude took the opportunity to let his ego shine bright like a diamond is annoying af.”

      This statement gave me life! Yes, yes, yes! Thank you for this validation!

  2. Nailed it again. I won’t write much more because it would be basically the same as what I commented on the last post you made. I will say only one more thing. You just need to ‘Drop the mic’ There is nothing else for you to say. If men don’t get this they are thick as bricks. (I guess I had just a little bit more to say. There I am really done!

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