There’s been a lot going on in my world lately and I’ve been experiencing some serious emotional dysregulation because of it. Between the recent transitions of the moon, current rocky, emotional astrological season we are in, my recent reiki attunement, and the life stuff (hormones, relationship transitions with friends…yall know the deal) that’s been coming up I have felt out of sorts. This has included LOTS of crying or feeling teary-eyed over EV-ER-Y-THING (Seriously…I got teary-eyed watching this video and when I realized a woman I’ve been engaging with on Facebook is a fellow Virgo)!
I feel so silly and out of control. I’ve never identified as much of a crier but I’ve also never been opposed to it and encourage it as it is an amazing release. I used to wish I could cry more easily (be careful what you wish for) but at this point, I feel like something has to give.
Yesterday, in particular, was rough. The idea of going out for 4th of July Holiday festivities gave me anxiety which was followed by negative self-talk and guilt because of my inability to leave the house and lastly sadness. I had told myself I would go out and have some fun for the holiday, even wrote it on my calendar (Virgo ish I know) but I simply couldn’t manage the effort it would take to get off my couch (that’s where I slept the night before…and yes…on purpose), get dressed and drive through traffic-laden streets to act like I was fine in a sea of people I hadn’t seen in a while.
Instead, I settled into my couch, ignored calls, and spent a ridiculous amount of time on social media. I had texting conversations with a few people but didn’t really share how badly I was feeling. My mom called, I could’ve answered and told her but I didn’t want to disrupt her day so I watched it go to voicemail. A friend asked if I needed anything I rationalized that there was nothing he could do to fix it and therefore it wasn’t an immediate need and I didn’t need to bother him.
Eventually, through hours of sitting in silence, with the exception of the fireworks outside, and scrolling through social media, the guilt wore off. Somewhere around the time that the sun was going down and the fireworks were really getting started, I mustered enough energy to soak in a hot bubble bath, listen to some music and do some yoga.
Connecting to my body and breath has proved helpful often when I’m feeling dysregulated however I’m not always in the space to think of it or actually do it. Yesterday, I’m thankful that I was able to muster at least that much energy.
Things got REAL vulnerable on my Instagram last night/the wee hours of this morning when I decided to share how I’ve been feeling. I freaked out after posting because as yall know vulnerability is hard for me. Every possible person who might see it (and those who don’t follow me, aren’t even on social media and realistically would never see it…because…anxiety) ran through my mind. I had to take a few deep breaths and just allow myself to go to sleep so I didn’t go back and delete it.
I’m sharing this with you all because the response I received was powerful. The messages from people I’ve never met in person and the validation from others having similar experiences reminded me that I’m not exempt from the struggle and my voice in that realm is just as important as my work with individual clients.
So here’s to everyone to whom yesterday was just another Wednesday with your mental and emotional dysregulation!
I see you.
I hear you.
We are in this together.
In Perfect Love,